Letting Go

“Tone it down!” She said.

Okay, I thought I can do that.

“No what I meant was, don’t call me everyday.” She said.

Okay, I thought, I can do that, I’ll text you.

“What I’m trying to say is…..I don’t need you as much. We don’t have to communicate everyday.”

Ouch! My heart cried, Okay I can do that.

I looked back and I thought I saw my own reflection. No it wasn’t me. It was her. A grown woman, fiercely independent.

I called out her name one last time and said, Well I’ll see you sometime!

” Okay Mom, I can do that!”




I am brilliant

I am a miracle

I am worthy of love

I am kind

I am smart

I am determined

I am creative

I am resourceful

I am me

I am love


To Begin again

Is anything really new again ?
Love songs
star gazing lovers
What kind of darkness has enveloped me?
To think all is dead.
It’s the same result to live for a moment and then die in the dark.

Love, what is it really?
It is deep?
It’s saturation runs deep into the minds memory, cells, bones, eyes tears.
It lives.
No matter how long ago it has ceased to play on the stage of the now
It never dies
There were many uncounted good days, nights, minutes, seconds.
They live, somewhere in ones Hearst tucked away.
However, must be remembered and
Returned to the essence of the possibility of the Now.
That love can flourish once again into your cells, tears, gaze and heartbeats.
One must believe….
I must believe
It can live again.


My Journal

Half past midnight

John Mayer oozing a guitar solo

Is tonight a pill or a bowl

Anything to stop the raining thoughts

Moon drops come through my window

Damn you Pandora for playing an up tempo song when I’m in my grove

The Frey is more like it.

Now my Somber mood is gone

My heartache still lives

Deep in the circles below my eyes

It never really left

JomillyArt 2018

On The Way To My Own Life

Life is funny! I imagined my weekend getaway would be exciting, fun, full of adventure and discovery! It was! My friendships are stronger! My sense of adventure is stronger. I was able to see Santa Fe and The Albuquerque New Mexico Balloon Festival and within that time on a Saturday and Sunday I walked a total of 10 miles. Now being that I am on a diet and trying to lose weight, I figured this was a good thing but, what I didn’t count on, was the pain I would experience after the walking. The pain-in my back is excruciating pain that won’t let up and today is Wednesday and it’s still going on. I tried all my medicines and nothing is working so I’m on my way to urgent care to get some steroids to bring down the swelling and inflammation. When I take the steroids, what will happen is my appetite will increase and I’m going to want to eat more; and it makes it that much harder to lose weight. Life is funny! The circle that we must keep going around and finding ways to be healthy; this is just another challenge in my circle of trying to lose weight and stay healthy. I know one thing I’m going to continue to keep walking and strengthening my muscles and ask the doctor for physical therapy to strengthen my back. Life is funny thanks for reading.

On The Way To My Own Life

Today was a moment of truth.
I went shopping for clothes and found out that I wear a size of clothing I never imagined I’d be.
I had a feeling the way my clothes were fitting at home I was headed in that direction.
Although, once I tried them on I didn’t understand how I gained this much weight. After all, I just bought brand new tennis shoes. I walk around in yoga pants and a tee shirts and my brand new tennis shoes. I’m ready to hit the gym at any moment. When I order from in and out burger I order my burger protein style.
I snack on nuts in between meals to get my metabolism going. I eat salads and vegetables. I see a Weightloss doctor. But the medicine she prescribed, which is a fancy Fat blocker. Is $600.00 for a 30 day supply.
So what is my problem?
I counted how many times I actually went to the gym in September and it was three times. I looked at my fitness pal past entries of food I was eating and there were only three salads a week that I posted. And after all I was wearing workout clothes everyday. Wearing them should have cut my calories alone. I don’t have 600.00 dollars laying around for that particular medicine.
So here I am with realization that it’s going to take me to be as active as I was last year to lose the weight. I swam for 30 minutes in the early morning and walked two miles that same day. I was religious about what I ate. I charted every single morsel. And because fitness pal gives you complete nutritional facts, I could see where my calories were coming from.
I’m about to go on vacation and really want to be careful. I have to be, so many people depend on me. And I know I’ll have more energy once I start again.
This story will be continued as I go through my Weightloss journey.